This article is not about a religious debate on same sex couples. This article is not about a political debate on same sex couples. . This is not about prop 8. One more caveat I was not raised by a same sex couple but more importantly I was a child once. That is the view I want to bring into this article. There is a widespread presumption that children need both a mother and a father to be raised healthy and whole. Is “fatherless” or”motherless” family less capable of raising a well rounded child? In my opinion the gender of the parents has very little significance for children’s psychological adjustment and social success. We are an evolving society. Charles Darwin during his lifetime had trouble on convincing the world then about evolution. We are at a cross roads as it comes to same sex marriages. How do we evolve our thinking. Let’s look at it from the view of the child – one of the most important protagonists in this. This article is about looking at same sex couples from the perspective of children they raise All kids come out of their mother’s womb, with one goal in mind, to breathe in the real world. They don’t have a preconceived notion of a marriage, family, and life. They don’t come lout expecting a person called a dad, a person called mom and that they need to be of a different gender. We as a society have this preconceived notion that Heterosexual families are more nurturing, that Development and social upbringing are impacted. My contention is that it is immaterial if kids have two moms or two dads. Kids need a few things as they grow up. They do need different things in different stages of their life. But a few common themes emerge. They all need compassion. They need adults that understand them. We as a society assume that moms are more compassionate. But is that really true? There is abundant research to prove that there is no gene that men have less of that makes them less compassionate. In my opinion compassion comes from loving somebody so much that the heart feels the need to be compassionate. Less to do with gender but more to do with the love you carry in your heart. A “dad” has an equal chance of leaving a surprise in the lunch box as a special treat as he ” mom”. A dad can read ” papa bring me he moon” equally as well as a mom. One of the fondest memories I have as a child is of my parents telling me and my sisters a completely made up story while putting us to bed- mom was good at telling a certain type and dad was special in a different type. Kids need involvement, they need you to be present, they need you to listen. Again does gender matter for those character traits? Women can be as involved in kids lives as men can be. I am sure there are arguments that men traditionally have less time since they are the primary breadwinner in the family – is that true anymore. In addition it is not really a matter of time. There is a small element to the time factor but it is more about the passion and intensity in the time spent. The old adage of quality triumphs quantity holds true here. The old argument about boys playing soccer and basketball need a dad to teach them, they need a dad to how catch. Sports are not a male bastion anymore by any stretch of imagination. Women playing basketball is as common as men playing basketball. Very rare is the case where there are sports specifically dominated by a gender. Hence a heterosexual family has equal chance of raising a Beckam as a same sex marriage. The third requirement that a healthy kid needs is advise and perspective. They look for advise starting from an early age on who to make friends with to what job to pick after college and several more. Does a two mom kid get better advise than a two dad child on which friends to pick – not really. Yes I agree perspectives could be different coming from women versus men. But in my view it balances out. They are some that women may be better suited from versus a few that men could be good at. Additionally children don’t jut grow up learning perspectives from their parents, they will from a wider society. In other words a heterosexual couple’s child has an equal chance Of learning the right (or wrong) perspectives as a same sex couple child. A lot of the current research compares heterosexual couples with a single parent families. That is the wrong comparison. That skews the result. It is providing a forum for incorrect and in most cases erroneous conclusions. I hope you all agree with my conclusion – The family type that is best for children is one that has responsible, committed, stable parenting. The gender of parents only matters in ways that don’t matter. A heterosexual marriage does not necessarily create an advantage of creating a nurturing environment for hidden to grow. Let’s continue to be an evolving society.
Raising a child in an evolving society